An Unlikely Suicide on Esplanade Avenue

The last time I saw Margarette, she was pedaling her bicycle down Esplanade Avenue toward the river.  If someone had told me at that moment that she would be drowned by midnight, I would have said, "No way."

I still say, "No way."

A house in our neighborhood that you'll see if you walk to the river from here.

I suspect a hoax, and not only because Margarette is a professional practical joker.  Nothing adds up.  No body has been found.  I think it's too early to declare Margarette dead.  Who knows for sure?  Only Margarette, I guess.

When someone goes swimming in the Mississippi River in New Orleans, their body is found two, three, forty miles downriver from the French Quarter.  No one survives being swept downriver.  Swimming in the Mississippi is a death sentence.  It's muddy, too.

The current is strong in this part of the mighty Mississippi.  Human arms and human legs cannot compete against the mighty Mississippi's current before or after the English Turn bend in the river, which is at a 90 degree angle.  You'll be ground up by a tugboat's propellers.

The collected force of America's heartland flows through New Orleans.  Few fish are strong enough to swim upriver.  Not even whales.

Margarette is a friend of mine.  I'm going to still use the present tense when referring to her until proven otherwise.  

Margarette lives in our New Orleans neighborhood, in Tremé.  Maybe you've seen her.  She rides a red bicycle with a yellow basket on the back rack.  She rides that bike straight as a shot arrow, and, almost as fast.  She is quick on two wheels, proof that two wheels will set a person free.

She has big brown eyes as big as Bambi's.  

Margarette was a member of the Jolly Time Peppercorn Club of Mid-City.  That's not the Peppercorn Club that Mingo tried to get me to join.  The Jolly Time Peppercorners of Mid-City are a wholesome and family-friendly organization.  

Around our part of New Orleans, we call members of the Jolly Time Peppercorn Club of Mid-City, Peppercorners.  It's not unusual to overhear someone say about someone else, "You can trust them.  He/She is a real Peppercorner!"  That's high praise in this part of New Orleans.

Members of Mingo's Peppercorn Club aren't called anything but thugs, deadbeats, crooks, cockroaches, or mudbugs.

I hope Margarette is okay.  Some people at the donut shop told me that she had committed suicide by swimming in the river.  That's unlikely.  

I saw her last night and, if I can be  said to be any judge of character, suicide was the last thing on her mind.  She had just won $200 in the Louisiana Lottery off a scratch-off ticket.  

She was smiling like nobody's business when she pedaled away from my house.  Everybody smiles in New Orleans all the time, but that grin gets extra-wide when a person wins the Louisiana Lottery.  Hoo-boy.  Margarette was a winner.

Winner, winner, chicken dinner!  

Like a chicken, Margarette can't swim.  She flies down the street on her bicycle.  I can't imagine that she'd try to swim in the mighty Mississippi.  She knows better.  Those rumor-mongers at the donut shop don't know what they are talking about.  I'm sure Margarette is okay.

Is Margarette dead?  No way.  

I got a text from her this morning.  It said: "Let's get the whole gang together and meet at Frey Smoked Meats on Friday.  They have fried catfish for Lent."  

"Operation Catfish is on," I texted back.  It was 9:00AM when this exchange took place.  It was windy this morning.

Bienville and North Lopez Streets, New Orleans, Louisiana.

If I don't hear from Margarette by next Friday, I guess I'll know if she's alive or not on Friday.  We're meeting at Frey Smoked Meats next Friday at 1:00 for catfish.

Mmmmm..... Catfish at Lent.  It's not much of a penance.  Especially if we are having lunch with Margarette!  Only a week to go.....

A word from out sponsor:   

   La Belle Esplanade.  

When you are ready to visit New Orleans like you mean it, there is only one B&B hotel where you should stay.  It's La Belle Esplanade, the small hotel that will respect your intelligence.  You belong here.  Here's the link to La Belle Esplanade's blog.  This blog is good but La Belle's blog is "The Best Written Blog in New Orleans."

You belong at the #1-ranked B&B Hotel in New Orleans.
LaBelleEsplanade.com.