Friday, April 3, 2015

The Best Oysters in the French Quarter

Mural outside the Mother-in-Law Lounge, New Orleans
You might think I'm going to finally tell you about the Mother-in-Law Lounge on North Claiborne Avenue.  If you do think that, I hate to tell you that you are wrong again.  I'm going to tell you about a quintessential New Orleans experience, and, at the same time, I'll tell you where I think you'll find the best oysters in the French Quarter.  That's a tall order to fill.

Frau Schmitt had French class yesterday, leaving your humble narrator to his own devices.  This isn't necessarily a good thing.  We are in the middle of our busy season, and we are feeling a little fagged and shagged and worn out, a little frayed around the edges, a little weak and, speaking for myself, at least, a little susceptible to bad influences.  I'm in the kind of mood that can lead to a little minor mischief if I'm not on my guard.  I briefly let my guard down, yesterday, in a self-indulgent moment.

Let's have a little musical accompaniment to go along with today's post, shall we?  From 1966, Mr. Johnny Sea:


Some things never change.  Johnny Sea is still alive.  He was born in Gulfport, Mississippi, about an hour and a half east on Interstate 10 from where we live.  He has a website and he's now going under his birth name of John Seay, Jr..  I'm sure someone convinced him to change the spelling of his name for stage reasons, so that people would know how to pronounce it.  Ernie K-Doe did the same thing.  He was born Ernie Kador, Jr.  
Mural of Ernie K-Dow and Allen Toussaint depicted on the side of the Mother-in-Law Lounge
Back on topic, I enjoy dining on raw oysters.  Frau Schmitt does not.  Since she had class yesterday, I decided to treat myself to a lunch of oysters in the French Quarter.  This is the decision that led to my downfall.

I was thinking of going to Acme Oyster House, which usually has a line outside that goes down the block.  Yesterday afternoon was no different, even though it was a Thursday at 1:00 and there aren't any convention-goers in town that I'm aware of except for the pop culture symposium held for college librarians at the Marriott on Canal Street.  The only reason I know about this is because one of the presenters at that convention is staying with us.  

I'm not one to wait in line, so the line outside Acme scratched that option off my list.  Will I ever go to Acme?  Maybe in August when we don't have many visitors to New Orleans.  There shouldn't be a line then.  #2 on the list was Felix's across the street from Acme.  There wasn't a line outside, but there was a press of bodies inside that were pressing against the front door.  It wasn't pretty.  I didn't go to Felix's either.  Now, I'm going to tell you a secret.

Dickie Brennan's Bourbon House is on the corner of Bourbon Street and Iberville Street in the French Quarter, within spitting distance of Acme and Felix's.  I always like the Bourbon House, which feels palatial inside.  It is the first place Frau Schmitt and I ate at on our first afternoon in New Orleans, so many years ago.  I remember it well.  Just ask Frau Schmitt.


I decided to try the oyster bar at the Bourbon House, and, sure enough, there was plenty of room.

As I read a book and watched the shuckers go about their work, I ordered a dozen raw oysters ($15.00 this time of year).  I got a shucker's dozen: thirteen succulent raw oysters with all the trimmings.  They were delicious.

The bartender asked me if I was finished, and I was, of course, but I was enjoying reading my book and I was enjoying the atmosphere of the oyster bar, so I said I'd like to take my time.  Check back with me in ten minutes or so.  It was then that a worm of desire wriggled into my brain.  Dickie Brennan, according to local lore, and the blurb on the menu, likes to eat his raw oysters with caviar spooned on top.  That thought occupied my mind so much that I couldn't concentrate on the book I was reading.  I treated myself.  When the bartender returned, I ordered a half dozen oysters with caviar (also $15.00).

I know what you're thinking.  You're thinking, "Mr. Fancy-Pants Innkeeper fritters away his afternoons eating oysters and caviar.  This B&B business must pay pretty good!"  Let me disillusion you, gentle reader.  This does not happen every day.  It was a fluke.  I do often fritter away my afternoons, but it's usually by running errands for the inn or standing in line to pay my taxes at City Hall.  It's very rare for me to spend $30.00 for lunch, or even to have lunch in the French Quarter, but I do what I have to do so that I can talk about it with our guests and to be able to make recommendations.

Here's a recommendation:  Try the oysters with caviar at the Bourbon House.  They are delicious, in a different class from the regular oysters.  They are excellent.

It's not just the oysters and the caviar that make this platter particularly tasty.  Each oyster only gets 8 or 10 tiny fish eggs on them.  The shuckers dust the oysters with some kind of seasoning that looks like dry Creole mustard seeds, but isn't.  It's that dusting with the caviar that take these oysters to another transcendental level.  Aphrodite on the half shell.  I'll get them again.  Maybe next year, when I can afford them.

So those are the best oysters in the French Quarter, in your humble narrator's humble opinion: oysters with caviar at the Bourbon House.  Treat yourself right and order them with champagne, which I didn't do but I probably will when I get the chance.  That's gonna be one decadent lunch.  

As long as we're having a musical review over the course of this post, here's a video of Ernie K-Doe's second-most famous song.  In the United Kingdom, it may be his most famous song.  It was commandeered by the Boots Pharmacy chain as their jingle a few years back.  If you aren't British, Boots is the equivalent of Walgreens, CVS, and Rite-Aid all rolled up into one on the other side of the pond.  Here come the girls.  That soundtrack is pure K-Doe.  You can see his face about 2:21 into the video, but I recommend watching the whole thing rather than skipping ahead.  He really belts it out after 2:21.


We live in New Orleans.  We try to eat everywhere and we try to go everywhere at least once, but usually twice or thrice.  We try to be able to recommend things to people who don't live in New Orleans.  That's our job, to make your New Orleans adventure a memorable one in the best way.  Sometimes, our days are spent like humdrum innkeepers.  Other days, we live like Maurice Chevalier.  I'll remember yesterday well.  I lived to tell the tale.  Call me Ishmael.

À votre santé,
La Belle Esplanade bed and breakfast.

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