Some Funny Things Happened in New Orleans Today

The Daily Double

Frau Schmitt and I went to the theater this afternoon.  A funny thing happened on our way to 'A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum.'

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum is currently playing at Le Petit Théâtre du Vieux Carré in the French Quarter and your humble narrator and his missus had matinee tickets.  In case you don't know, the play originally opened on Broadway in 1962 and, if my memory serves me correctly, it won seven Tony Awards during its first run.  

Le Petit Théâtre is connected to Dickie Brennan's Tableau, a pretty swanky restaurant where my mother likes to hang out for a mid-afternoon cocktail when she's in town.  Frau Schmitt and I got to the bar in Tableau just as happy hour had started (2-6 daily) so we ordered French 75s for $5 apiece and a small cheese platter before the show.

The bartender complimented us for being sharp dressers, which, compared to the crowd that was in there at the time, I suppose we are.  I struck up a conversation with the bartender.  "Tell me if this story sounds familiar," I said.

"During this past Mardi Gras I was here with my mother, who likes to pop in here when she's in town.  Later that very same day, we were at Buffa's on Esplanade Avenue and you sat right behind us."

"I remember that," the bartender said.

I added, "Then your roommate met you there and a couple from out of town wanted to watch the game on TV and they shared your table with you and he watched the game and she talked to you the whole time."

"You're right," the bartender said, "aannnnd---you bought me a root beer!"  High five.  It was a bottle of Barq's.

"That was sure was one night to remember," I said and we all nodded and smiled wistfully off into the distance.

Our trip down memory lane was interrupted by the television.  Jeopardy was on the TV and you'll never guess what the Daily Double was under the heading "Posh Hostelries."

The Daily Double

I'm not going to lie to you and say that everyone in the room shouted out, "La Belle Esplanade!" in unison.  Only about half the locals in the room did and about three quarters of those didn't phrase their response in the form of a question so they were disqualified.  

Let's just say we're starting to get a reputation around town, and I don't mean that in a bad way.  Quite the opposite.

After polishing off our cheese and libations, we watched the show.  It deserved every Tony.  Reading the program before the lights went down, I told Frau Schmitt, who, being German, is sometimes unfamiliar with The Great American Songbook, that we could look forward to two classic songs.  One was 'Comedy Tonight.'  The other was 'Everybody Ought to Have a Maid.'



It was a great rendition of Everybody Ought to Have a Maid.  I know all the words even though you'll never hear me whistling the tune as I putter around the house, myself.

During the last chorus, the woman sitting next to me elbowed me in the ribs.  It wasn't Frau Schmitt; it was the woman sitting on the other side of me, in seat 105.  "I bet this song makes you think of Tammie the Housekeeper, eh?" she whispered to me.

I was taken aback and I told her so.  "Tammie the Housekeeper is not our maid.  She's the housekeeper, from a long line of housekeepers.  It's an honorable profession and she's darned good at it, too," I said.

Tammie the Housekeeper

"I didn't mean any offense," the lady replied.

"None taken, then," I answered and we shook hands in the dark.  With that out of the way, everyone proceeded to enjoy the rest of the show. 

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum is playing at Le Petit Théâtre until June 5.  If you're in town, we recommend you go see it.  

There was also a second line parade, a music festival on Bayou St. John, and a bicycle parade down Esplanade Avenue today.  That's just what happened within a mile of our house.  I can't speak for what was going on in the rest of the city.  When you live in New Orleans, you don't have to travel far to find some culture.  Culture is all around us, thick as a termite swarm in May.  It is thick as Maw-Maw's roux.  It is thick as the egg cream on top of a Ramos Gin Fizz.

Whether you are from Paris, France; New York, NY; West Terre Haute, IN; Wewoka, OK; Bumbleton, NH; Staffordshire, England; Milano, Italia; San Francisco, CA, or Ridgefield, CT, you'll find something that will suit your fancy in New Orleans, LA.  

Use your good intuition.  Stay at La Belle Esplanade.

À votre santé nous amis,
La Belle Esplanade
...where every morning is a curated New Orleans breakfast salon.

The Best Place to Have Brunch in New Orleans

Would you buy a used car from this man?

If you are of a certain age, you'll recognize the man in the picture above.  He never endorsed staying at La Belle Esplanade.  He did visit New Orleans occasionally over his career, but this wasn't a city in which he felt at home.  He never stayed with us.  We're known for making people of all political stripes feel welcome, and we're also known for explaining what makes New Orleans America's Most Interesting City.  I bet if Nixon stayed with us, he would have fallen in love with New Orleans.  We've seen it happen before.

We went to the movies this afternoon...




...but we didn't see Elvis & Nixon.  It wasn't playing at a convenient time.  We're not on vacation, after all.  It only seems like we have all the time in the world.  We do work for a living.

Instead, we went to see something else.  We went to The Theaters at Canal Place for a late matinee.

On to other business---

Your humble narrator

If you follow us on Facebook, you'll recognize this picture.  It was taken a few seconds after the photo that's our profile picture on our Facebook page.  People ask why photos of Frau Schmitt so rarely surface in public.  The answer is simple: one of us is camera shy.  I don't know why:

Frau Schmitt

I think she's beautiful.  I always say Frau Schmitt is the nicest person you'll ever meet.  In this one case, and in this one case only, I am right about these things.

We were having a late lunch at La Crêpe Nanou.  As I've mentioned before, La Crêpe Nanou is a bit out of the way for our guests and the restaurant doesn't take reservations, so a lot of people are hesitant to make the trek out to Prytania Street to chance to take a table.  We've never had a problem getting a table to savor a meal over an hour or two.  Also, La Crêpe Nanou only serves lunch (brunch, really) on Sundays when most of our guests are at a second line parade.  

I'm not trying to paint it like we don't want to have lunch with our guests and that's our main reason for going to La Crêpe Nanou on Sunday afternoons.  Our guests, as Mr. Nixon would have learned had he stayed with us, are wonderful company.  We enjoy the ambience and the food at La Crêpe Nanou on its own merits, irrespective of who may or may not join us there.

Also, it's fun to say La Crêpe Nanou.  It's fun to spell, too.

Let's cover one more subject, since most of these blog installments cover three subjects per post.  I'm a trinitarian.

In a month, we're going to have a new website.  We like our current website, and it's gotten a lot of compliments.  It's just time to move on from big multinational corporate octopi.  One particular multinational corporate octopus bought up our website provider soon after we signed on.  We hung in for awhile, but, really, enough is enough.  We're small business people.  We prefer supporting other small business people.  We'll announce when the new website is up in this forum, which is owned by Google, and on Facebook, of course.

We're really sticking it to the Man.

We take inspiration from another local business from these parts: River Parish Disposal.

During Jazz Fest, River Parish Disposal is really cleaning up, business-wise.  Yes, I know I made a pun there.  Their portable toilets are everywhere.

Portable toilets in City Park

They've probably trademarked their slogan, which is too bad.  I'd like to use it for La Belle Esplanade.

Truer words were never written on the side of a port-o-let

They love that slogan so much that their website isn't riverparishdisposal.com.  It's bizstinks.com.  I'm not talking trash when I say that's marketing genius.  I stand in awe, much as Elvis did when he met the president.

I am perennially awestruck in New Orleans.  We live in a magical city.  You'll see when you get here.

À votre santé,
La Belle Esplanade
...where every morning is a curated breakfast salon.

Postscript and just to be clear:

A manatee

We went to see a matinee, not to see a manatee.

I Dreamed I was in New Orleans

Maiden form bra ad

I dreamed I was in New Orleans in my Maidenform bra.  And so, on that promising note, we begin... 

Much like the bartenders who sling drinks at Maison Bourbon, after people live in New Orleans long enough they tend to get a little tired of hearing 'When the Saints Go Marching In.'  Wherever you live, you probably don't here this song as often as New Orleanians do.  

I'm not saying it's a bad song.  It's a great song.  That's why everyone who comes to New Orleans wants to hear it.  It's just that, after awhile, some people, after day after day of listening to 'When the Saints Go Marching In,'  just throw up their hands and say, "Enough already!"  

And then again, there's the Louis Armstrong & Danny Kaye version.  It's hard to get tired of that version.


I, too, dig Rachmaninoff on and off.

She did drive them wild

What got me thinking about the old Maidenform ad campaign (which ran for 20 years) was that I was walking our dog in the French Quarter the other day, and I was looking up at the balconies while the dog was sniffing the ground, which is how our walks together usually tend to proceed.  Looking up at a balcony on St. Ann Street, what to my wandering eyes should appear but a shirtless man drinking coffee while wearing a bra. 

Maybe he dreamed he was a knockout.  I don't know.  I'm the type who likes to mind his own business, so I quickly looked in the other direction and tried to forget the whole thing.  Naturally, I haven't forgotten it.

Now that's a knockout

All this thinking about brassieres got me to thinking about Dagmar, which, I admit, is something I sometimes do more than I should.  I've provided a link to Dagmar's biography because I know you have no idea who I'm talking about.  

Besides being an early television star, Dagmar starred in a long-running Broadway show called Burlesque.  Her co-star was Burt Lahr, who you know better as the Cowardly Lion.  They were both very good in it, each complimenting the other's talents.

Which leads us to the subject of burlesque in New Orleans, something which I rarely discuss in this format or any other.  New Orleans has a long history of burlesque culture.  It's a culture that is still alive today.  So why don't I ever address this in our blog?  A:  Because it doesn't really interest me and you're captive to the caprices of your humble narrator.  Now, thanks to a guy sitting on a balcony while wearing a bra, I'm going to write a bit about burlesque in New Orleans.

This one's my favorite

Actually, I'm not.  Sorry, it's the old bait-and-switch again.  At least I'm not turning the conversation to travelers' constipation this time.

I'll give you a link to the "official" list of burlesque clubs in the city.  This is it.  Click this text.  I can't make it any clearer: HERE.  

Why am I punting this topic over to neworleansonline.com?  It's because just thinking about these places depresses me and saps out my will to write about any of them.  Given the choice, I would go to see Chris Owens.  And, truth be told, Frau Schmitt and I should go see Chris Owens.  She sponsors an Easter parade every year and Frau Schmitt and I met her once.  She is lovely, inside and out, and she is the embodiment of one facet of what makes New Orleans a great city.  

My second choice, The Swizzle Stick, isn't even listed, and I'm not even that keen on The Swizzle Stick.  It's just that if someone asks me where to see burlesque, the first thing that pops into my mind is The Swizzle Stick.  They occasionally have shows around about midnight.  At least they used to.

I can talk about the other places on the list.  We've been to them and so have our guests, but I'd rather not commit my opinions, or what our guests tell us, to print.  I'll tell you over breakfast if you're interested, though, to tell the truth, nobody has ever asked about New Orleans' burlesque culture.  I'm fine with that.  

Now, for those of you who were too lazy to click on the link to learn who Dagmar was.  Here's a picture:

Va-voom

I find it surprising that no burlesque performer goes by the name of "Dagmar Bumpers."  More probably, someone does and it's only that I don't know about it.  As I say, I'm not really hip to the burlesque "scene."  (See how I used those quotation marks?)  Unfortunately, I don't know anyone who is hip to the burlesque scene that I can ask.  Rest assured, Frau Schmitt and I are real hepcats, but we aren't big fans of fan-dancing or bump-and-grind acts. 

We can tell you about a lot of other things, though.  A lot of other things.

And so it goes

À votre santé,
La Belle Esplanade bed and breakfast.

New Orleans Hotel vs. New Orleans B&B (Part III)

World's Largest Cuckoo Clock

I know what you're thinking.  You're thinking how long can he drag out this "New Orleans Hotel vs. New Orleans B&B" series?  Probably to a part IV.  Sometimes, it's a long slog to cover all the bases, but it's worth it when you finally reach home.

I know what else you're thinking.  You're thinking why is he using the same pictures from last post?  What do these pictures have to do with anything, anyway?  I could give you the easy answer, tell you I'm lazy, but that isn't it.  I have my reasons.  I'm an artiste.  It doesn't have to make sense.

Does voodoo work?

So, if this your first time reading our blog and you don't know what's going on, here's the skinny: a recent guest from Iowa, of all places, sent me a comparison of what it was like to stay at La Belle Esplanade B&B and what it was like to stay at the Hyatt down in the Central Business District.  She kindly gave her permission to reprint it here.  I'm doing it in installments.  Why installments?  I'm a little light on material at the moment---plus, I'm an artiste.  Timing is everything.

Voodoo works

Hotel:  Free water if you turned on the tap in the bathroom.  Everything else cost money.  They nickel-and-dimed us after we checked in.

B&B:  A small refrigerator stocked with a complementary selection of local beer, some wine, some juice, a bottle of New Orleans own sweet Big Shot soda, a carafe of filtered water, and some whatnot like a praline. 

Hotel:  A large screen TV.

B&B:  A small TV with basic cable.  We never turned it on.  In New Orleans, life is too interesting for TV.

Hotel:  Industrial carpet glued to a cement floor.

B&B:  Refinished original hardwood floors worn smoothly dimpled by uncountable tiptoed footsteps since 1883.  No splinters, either.

Hotel:  Standard furniture designed to pack tightly into a Chinese shipping container.  Furniture store art.

B&B:  Lovely antiques mixed with some comfortable modern pieces.  It wasn't grandma's house, but it wasn't pre-fabricated, either.  Historical prints mixed with original oil paintings by a local artist we got to meet.

Hotel:  No surprises.

B&B:  One delightful discovery after another.  Personality.

Joy Theater, Canal Street, New Orleans

I'll be honest with you, the inside of the Saenger Theater on Canal Street is breathtaking.  The sign outside is a showstopper, too, but I still prefer the Joy Theater.  When those three letters light up over the marquee, I always think, "This is New Orleans."  I even think this during broad daylight.  For me, the Joy marquee sums up the city.

I still prefer the inside of the Saenger, and Frau Schmitt agrees with me.  She is usually right about these things.  They did a bang-up job in there.  If you ever have a chance just to go into the lobby, you should.  The Joy, not so much.

So, there is still one thing left to compare between staying at a New Orleans hotel and staying in a New Orleans B&B (our much anticipated conclusion).  This list doesn't apply to all B&Bs, of course, only the one in which our far-flung correspondent spent her too-short time in this magical city we call home.  To learn what that is, tune back in later this week.

Until then...
A votre santé,
La Belle Esplanade bed and breakfast.

Honeymooning in New Orleans

The view from our garden

The trumpet flower tree is in full bloom in our back garden.  It blooms a couple of times a year, whenever it feels like it is time.  It is a beautiful plant.  Everyone comments on it.  It usually blooms when good things happen at our inn, like now.

This week, we had a lovely couple from merrye olde Englande visit us.  They were on their honeymoon.  They arrived in the States last week and drove around the storied South visiting cities known for their music.  Before they reached New Orleans, they had stayed in Nashville, Memphis, and Clarksdale, MS.  "What's in Clarksdale?" I asked.  "There was a festival," they told me.  "If it weren't for the festival, there would be very little."

They stayed for three days and when they left they wished they could have stayed longer.  There next stop was Birmingham, AL, which isn't known for its music, but it is halfway to the airport they need to reach to fly home.  Happy trails.

As we were saying our goodbyes, they told me, "This is the nicest place we've stayed at."  They didn't just mean New Orleans, though the city itself is a wonderful place.  I am sure I have mentioned this before, but New Orleans really is magic, especially our part of town.  "We want to come back for our anniversary," they told me.

That will be nice.

From the Basin Street Visitors Center

There are a couple of good ways to see New Orleans and none of them involve spending all your time in the French Quarter.  The city is much bigger than that.  We are about a 20-25 minute walk from the Quarter and we recommend people see it.  We do not recommend people spend all their time there.  Some do, but most of the people who stay with us do not.  

We live right in the middle of Esplanade Avenue, between the Quarter and City Park.  When people ask us to recommend a restaurant, we suggest walking up our street toward City Park.  There are six restaurants in that direction and none of them are a dud.  It is very hard to get a bad meal in the French Quarter, but it is really very hard to get a bad meal anywhere in the city, including the hot plate counters located in almost every corner grocery store.  Two of our guests just gave us a tip on some succulent turkey necks at a joint uptown.  

Basel, Switzerland Polizei

When policemen travel from Basel, Switzerland, they like to exchange tokens with their hosts.  We happen to have had a policeman and his lovely partner stay with us.  He gifted us with an official fob on a lanyard so that if I'm ever in Basel I'll know to dial 112 in case of emergency instead of 911.  It is hanging off the mirror in our lobby.  We meet the nicest people from all over the world.  Good guests make good company.  

Being an innkeeper is a pleasant profession.  We haven't had a day off since the middle of September, but we aren't complaining.  As I say, good guests make good company, whether they are from New York, Denver, Quebec, Istanbul, Tennessee or Wakefield.  The more the merrier.

Menu at Club Carribean

I was walking the dog the other night and Club Caribbean, on Bayou Road, was just gearing up for the night.  They weren't featuring a band, only a DJ.  Imagine: jerk fish with seafood pasta for only $10.00, and there's a DJ, and it is a happy night in New Orleans.  I don't know where you live, but I would rather be here.

There was a wedding at the Degas House.

Wedding at the Degas House

We don't host weddings at La Belle Esplanade, but we'll be happy to rent you a room is you are attending a wedding at the Degas House.  It is just a block away.  Club Caribbean is two blocks.

As I mentioned last post, we went to see Prairie Home Companion at the Saenger Theater.

Lobby at the Saenger Theater

It's been a busy week on our stretch of Esplanade Avenue, thankfully so.  Good guests make good company.  We hosted a number of academics here for a Middle East studies conference, honeymooners, business travelers, a couple visiting their daughter for her first semester at Tulane University, a couple out on a last pleasure jaunt while they await the latest addition to their family, a film director, a Swiss policeman, a marketing researcher, a banker, a baker, and a plumber and his wife, and two vegetarians.  The conversation around the breakfast table has been robust and enlightening, and that's not counting my contributions.

When in New Orleans, do as the New Orleanians do.

The Basin Street Vistors Center

Spending time of Bourbon Street is like a stag party.  Spending time in the rest of the city is like a honeymoon.

A votre santé,
La Belle Esplanade bed and breakfast.

Dear guests...

Corner of Esplanade Avenue and Ponce de Leon Street, New Orleans

Yesterday morning I was on the corner of Esplanade Avenue and Ponce de Leon Street and I was struck by the dawning sunlight on the banana trees that grow in front of Canseco's Supermarket.  The site that Canseco's uses used to be a Whole Foods Market.  Whole Foods is going to open a few blocks away from us on North Broad Street in a couple of months, in an old Schwegmann's building.

It is wonderful to live in New Orleans.  I think this every day.  I often say it out loud, often for no reason except that I am struck by how lucky we are to live here.  Yesterday's reason was the light on the banana trees.

I have written an open letter to our guests that I am going to date tomorrow and leave on the table by the front door.  I hate marketing.  I hate advertising.  Neither of us is a salesman.  We like to think that we offer a good product and most people seem to agree.  I am going to copy the letter here without comment (and without being on our stylish letterhead paper):


"Dear Guest,

It is true we have your email address.  We won’t abuse it.  You will probably never hear from us.  Who likes an inbox full of form letters and ersatz sincerity?  In today’s travel and tourism market, we live or die by online reviews, primarily on TripAdvisor.  It is the nature of the beast, a Devil’s bargain, for better or for worse.

If you enjoyed your stay, we will appreciate an online review, but only if it is not too much trouble.  We won’t cajole you into writing one if you aren’t comfortable doing so.  If you did not enjoy your stay, we would like to know how we could have made it better.  You can tell the whole world if you want to or you can write us privately.  We really do want to know what is right and what can be better.  No hard feelings.  You have two friends in New Orleans.  Even if you don’t stay with us the next time you come to the city, ring the bell if you’re on Esplanade Avenue and our motor scooters are parked out front.  We’ll be happy to see you and tell you what is going on this week.

We want to be the inn of choice for people visiting New Orleans.  We like to think we offer a unique boutique experience that lets people experience the city the way we do, as citizens.  Ours is a remarkable city.  We live here.  We try to share that.  If we can be better ambassadors, we want to know how.

We hope you come back, not to fleece you through repeat business, but because we really enjoy what we do.  Good guests make good company.  Thank you for staying with us.  

We really do love where we live.  This is probably obvious.  If the levees don’t break, we’ll still be in business many, many more years, enjoying what we do.  If the levees do break again, we'll be here rebuilding.  We love it here.  Ours is a pleasant profession, mostly because good guests make good company.  Thank you for choosing La Belle Esplanade.  We hope you visit New Orleans again.  Good memories are made here.

A votre santé,
Matthew and Melanie"

Corner of Canal and North Rampart Streets, New Orleans

We went to the newly restored Saenger Theater on Canal Street this afternoon.  It is beautiful inside.  I took about a hundred blurry pictures to prove it.  Here is a picture of the starlit ceiling:

Saenger Theater ceiling

More to come.

Until then,

A votre santé,

La Belle Esplanade bed and breakfast.